six week update: i need my brain back, mr. president


Ever feel like you are just cowering for shelter with your family under a heat blanket while a narcissistic monster keeps torching you with narcissist flames and you are just like, crying and crying and begging him to stop so you can just live your life in peace and he is like, “no! hahahaha! ROAR! do you feel my narcissism yet? hahahahaha!” ?

…or is it just me?

It is actually IMPOSSIBLE not to shut it out! And of questionable value–do I really want to not keep on top of what is going on in the country? Every day there is some new insanity–and yes, I get that some of it is the media, but if you are expecting me to get that, what you don’t get is the narcissistic monster who is currently the leader of the free world is actually acting in such a way to make the media do that on purpose. The idea the media is the problem is naive if not just stupid–journalists actually exist to empower everyday people like you and me to not be drone-slaves to evil overlords. See also, why the media has a liberal bias. If you are complaining about that like it’s unfair somehow, please stop. The media, for all its faults, wants to protect you. At least the liberal media does. I don’t even understand what “conservative media” really means, other than it’s maybe like the media version of vegetarian bacon.

The GOOD news is, people are listening. The media is doing their job. The courts are doing their job. People, whether they approve or disapprove, are doing their job. And it doesn’t really seem like the POTUS is doing his job, at least more than a strict 40 hours a week in between trips to Mar-a-Lago, which under the circumstances isn’t anything to be complaining about, IMO.

I don’t think Trump is the next Hitler, but if you think the comparisons are some sort of liberal insanity, please try to think of it this way: the most evil person of the last 100 years left behind a playbook of how to consolidate power and use it for ill. Jim Jones wasn’t Hitler. Putin isn’t Hitler (although perhaps getting warmer). None of the thousands of people who have used Hitler’s playbook since Hitler rose to power have become another Hitler, but they aren’t nice people and they did harm in their lifetimes. That is what liberals mean when they compare Trump to Hitler: He is a not-nice person who has, like thousands of others, studied up on how to do harm from the most evil person in the last 100 years. Here is an article about how Trump probably kept Hitler’s speeches in a cabinet next to his bed and read them in the 90s. Here is an article about Sen. John McCain warning everyone about how dictators start by attacking the free press, and here is an article about the dictators who have done so.

It occurs to me that a lot of the people who voted for Trump have lived through things that I can’t even imagine. A president assassinated. Two civil rights leaders assassinated. A war most people didn’t want to fight where hundreds of thousands of innocent soldiers died, and hundreds of thousands more died just because Nixon would rather have been president than have hundreds of thousands of US soldiers live. A president resigning in disgrace.

So when a guy came along, promising to “Make America Great Again”–maybe they all remember the time before all those horrible things happened, when they were children, before their innocence and our national innocence was lost, which for them happened around the same time. And so maybe this isn’t so bad for them right now.

But to us, the “snowflakes” that these hardened elders like to criticize for our sensitivity–America has always been great, ever since we were born, and this right now it is the worst it’s ever been. And so maybe it’s a very good thing for all of us that the future still belongs to the younger generations who aren’t so damaged, even if the present does not.

Anyway, these are just the ramblings of a person who wants her brain back. My writing went amazingly well for the first two weeks and has declined in the month since (which happened to coincide exactly with the inauguration). Now, six weeks later, I have about 6000 more words and two chapters majorly rewritten–not horrible, but I wish I had achieved more and I really want to do better going forward.

I want to emerge from my heat blanket and live the next four years as happily and productively as possible with my husband, step-kids and our amazing baby girl. I want to beat this level so I can get past this annoying boss who just keeps breathing flames over my head that say “pay attention to me! HAHAHAHA!”–without wishing my life away in the meantime.

300 new words a day, 1500/week. I will not put my goals on hold waiting for Emperor Orange to be ousted. Will. Not.

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